Billie Eilish opens up about a life mental health struggles and self-harm in new documentary

Billie Eilish may be the youngest person to be nominated for six Grammys — winning four at the tender age of 18 — but behind her success is self-admittedly a lot of darkness. 

A new tell-all documentary, The World’s A Little Blurry, comes to AppleTV+ on Friday Feb. 26, and promises an inside look at the trials and tribulations of the notoriously private superstar, even revealing a secret boyfriend. 

A raw look at the 19-year-old teen who lies beneath the laundry list of success, Eilish gets candid about her mental health struggles and even a history of self-mutilation that has colored her career. 

Dark things: Billie Eilish, 19, gets candid about mental health, self-harm and a life of ‘dark things’ in new tell-all documentary The World’s A Little Blurry for AppleTV+; pictured January 28

Many distracted by her predilection for outrageous fashion and signature lime green hair, Eilish has dropped a lot of personal bombs in the trailer for the film, reflective of a quick rise to fame after breaking out with her song Ocean Eyes at the age of 13. 

Despite having an estimated net worth of $53M she still lives with her parents in the childhood home she grew up in, admitting that she still sleeps in her parents’ bed because she’s ‘scared of monsters.’ 

Music saving her life, she confesses, ‘I look into the crowd and I see every single person in there is going through something…and I have the same problem.’ 

When she was younger she shared she was overwhelmingly ‘miserable’ and ‘completely distraught’ from the ages of 13-16 causing her to cry ‘every single day.’  

Rocky road: Continuing to expose the magnitude of her internal darkness throughout the film - which premieres Friday - she boldly admits 'I never thought I'd make it to this age,' adding 'I'm never happy'

 Rocky road: Continuing to expose the magnitude of her internal darkness throughout the film – which premieres Friday – she boldly admits ‘I never thought I’d make it to this age,’ adding ‘I’m never happy’

Revealing a history of depression and mental health issues causing her to contemplate suicide, she shares that she used to ‘make herself bleed,’ when she was 14 and 15 saying, ‘I thought I deserved it.’ 

Continuing to expose the magnitude of her internal darkness she boldly admits ‘I never thought I’d make it to this age,’ adding ‘I’m never happy.’

She is also incredibly hard on herself when it comes to her music — most of which is recorded with her brother and producing partner Finneas at her parent’s home — calling her voice ‘horrible’ in one clip.  

The No Time To Die singer speaks about being ‘bad’ at taking care of her mental health, also opening up about her struggles with Tourette’s syndrome, noting that she has become ‘really good at suppressing’ her tics.  

Tourette's: The No Time To Die singer is open about being 'bad' at taking care of her mental health, also getting candid about her struggle with Tourette's syndrome noting that she has become 'really good at suppressing' her tics; pictured February 24

Tourette’s: The No Time To Die singer is open about being ‘bad’ at taking care of her mental health, also getting candid about her struggle with Tourette’s syndrome noting that she has become ‘really good at suppressing’ her tics; pictured February 24

Secret boyfriend: The documentary does provide a bit of footage of her speaking to her boyfriend at the time of filming, Brandon 'Q' Adams, though she confesses 'I can't fix him. I tried,' before calling him 'self-destructive'; pictured Nov. 10

Secret boyfriend: The documentary does provide a bit of footage of her speaking to her boyfriend at the time of filming, Brandon ‘Q’ Adams, though she confesses ‘I can’t fix him. I tried,’ before calling him ‘self-destructive’; pictured Nov. 10

‘The internet hasn’t really seen the bad [tics] because I’m really good at suppressing them…the thing is, the longer you suppress them, the worse they get afterwards,’ she shared.

Notoriously private especially when it comes to her body and her love life, the documentary does provide a bit of footage of her speaking to her boyfriend at the time of filming, Brandon ‘Q’ Adams. 

Fresh from headlining Coachella in 2019 — a career accolade most artists could only dream of — her high is overshadowed by a lovers quarrel on the phone. 

Disappointed he was not there to support her, she throws her phone, later calling him ‘self-destructive,’ revealing a breakup after he punched the wall. 

‘I can’t fix him. I tried,’ she confesses.  

Highs and lows: She talks about her meteoric rise to stardom, also saying that she understands why artists have mental breakdowns in the public eye, saying at one point she experienced her 'lowest point' while touring in Europe; pictured Jan. 27

Highs and lows: She talks about her meteoric rise to stardom, also saying that she understands why artists have mental breakdowns in the public eye, saying at one point she experienced her ‘lowest point’ while touring in Europe; pictured Jan. 27

Despite her tender age, Eilish confesses she gets worried about how she will continue to handle stardom in the future, previously citing Britney Spears’ infamous breakdown in an interview last year.

‘Last year, when I was at my lowest point during the tour in Europe, I was worried I was going to have a breakdown and shave my head…but the bigger I get, the more I’m like, ‘Oh, my God, of course they had to do that,”‘ she shared. 

Leaps and bounds better emotionally than she was when she was younger she confessed on an episode of her Apple Music show, Me & Dad radio, ‘I’m proud to say I barely cry any more and it’s one thing I’ve overcome.’

The documentary which will continue to peel back more complicated layers to the songstress premieres Feb. 26 but features a live premiere event tonight at 6 p.m. PT on Apple TV and her YouTube channel. 

Inside look: The documentary - which will continue to peel back more complicated layers to the songstress - premieres Feb. 26 but features a live premiere event on Feb. 25 at 6PM PT on Apple TV and her YouTube channel

Inside look: The documentary – which will continue to peel back more complicated layers to the songstress – premieres Feb. 26 but features a live premiere event on Feb. 25 at 6PM PT on Apple TV and her YouTube channel