The Country Crew have returned to London after bubbling in Sussex (and still letting the rest of the cast come over from London for barbecues!)
Liv arrives for brunch with Sophie, Ollie and Gareth with news that she had a dalliance with Tristan. Sophie very much approves.
‘He looks quite fertile!’ she comments, prodding at her frittata with her fork and checking her ovulation cycle on her phone.
Don’t get too excited Sophie. It turns out Tristan and Liv’s spark fizzled like a wet guppy flopping around on a portable radiator the minute they crossed the Staines-Upon-Thames border.
Back in Chelsea: The Country Crew have returned to London after bubbling in Sussex (and still letting the rest of the cast come over from London for barbecues!)
In case you didn’t realise by now, Will rides a motorbike. Because thus far this is one of the only interesting things about him, the next scene takes place at a Harley Davidson store just to remind us.
Tristan is with him (weirdly) and he announces he’s not that into Liv after all.
Elsewhere, Reza and Ruby are dressed for a funeral. This is appropriate really as they’re having coffee with heartbroken Sam.
They have invited Tiff to join them just to make things really awkward. They sit there like a pair of magistrates while Tiff and Sam bicker about whether its a good idea if they be friends or not.
Easy rider: In case you didn’t realise by now, Will rides a motorbike. Because thus far this is one of the only interesting things about him
Denise is back! She’s grilling Verity about her Love Island squeeze Charlie. It seems that she’s not a fan to be honest. ‘He’s very look at me! Very ripped! Very fit!’ she declares.
Just as we’re starting to think she wants a piece of him for herself, Denise throws a curve ball: ‘Is he serious? He seems like one of these guys who just wants to flex is pecs! There is more to life!’
Yes Denise, but how else do you get gay men, teenage girls and people who find it oddly enjoyable to go to the gym to follow you on Instagram?
‘There’s more to him than what’s on social media!’ Verity insists.
Awkward: Elsewhere, Reza and Ruby are dressed for a funeral. This is appropriate really as they’re having coffee with heartbroken Sam. They have invited Tiff to join them just to make things really awkward
‘I’m sure!’ Denise replies, dryly. ‘Is he earthy? Does he dig up potatoes? Tristan had beautiful table manners!’
Denise’s stream of consciousness proves that she is fuming with Verity for dumping Tristan – something none of us still really understand.
Will rides his bike over to Ollie’s (because he’s a motorcyclist you see) and we discover that there was apparently some gathering the night before where he and Liv got very chummy.
Friendly terms: Tiff and Sam bicker about whether its a good idea if they be friends or not
Everyone pretends they merely flirted behind their uchiwa bamboo fans after Ollie and Gareth went to bed but we all know there’s not a chance that’s all that took place in that see-through living room.
Paris has followed everyone back to London and is desperate to know about Liv and Tristan. She is absolutely raging to find out Liv isn’t that fussed anymore, after Tristan pied Paris off for her.
The reason she’s gone off him is because he called her ‘love’ in a text and then told her to go and have another Château Peyrol.
Emily suggests Liv ditch Tristan. Paris seizes this opportunity to put her rage to one side and egg the pudding.
Mum’s the word: Denise is back! She’s grilling Verity about her Love Island squeeze Charlie
‘Yeah I would!’ she encourages Liv, before asking if she did any eye-flirting with Will.
Has Paris in fact stepped out of a Renaissance painting to be on this show?
Mytton invites Sam to go with him to meet Clive Watson to chat about him stocking his gin in his empire of pubs.
Sam is beside himself about this and throws on a three-piece-suit for the occasion, while Mytton barely remembers to do up his blouse.
The bromance between Sam and ex-would-be-father-in-law Clive is always a nice thing to watch but it does take a slightly sinister turn when Sam utters the sentence: ‘I can get hard if you need me to Clive!’
Smitten? ‘There’s more to him than what’s on social media!’ Verity insists to her mum
Verity is informed by Paris of Liv and Tristan’s fizzled romance, and that Liv has been flirting with Will. She then gleefully reports this to Tristan under the ruse of making friends with him.
Tristan is of course livid and demands Liv come and meet him to dissect the fact that he referred to her as ‘love’ in that message.
Maeva is screaming in French at her dog in the park when Mark Francis comes to speak to her about marriage and children (not with him).
She and James’ acquisition of this dog has got Maeva feeling broody it would seem.
Later, she asks James if they’re going to get married and have kids one day soon and James says probably not. She then cries. Despite the tears, she says it’s positive that they had that chat (!)
Secrets revealed: Will rides his bike over to Ollie’s and we discover that there was apparently some gathering the night before where he and Liv got very chummy
The more concerning aspect of these two is the sexism they seem to demonstrate when it comes to this new dog. Maeva says James is its ‘master’ which is very pre-18th Century, and James says the dog listens to him because he has a deep voice, which is slightly racist against the French.
Denise has demanded she meet Charlie. If you recall, the day she met Tristan she forced him and Verity to say they were exclusive. So we’re in for a treat.
She doesn’t disappoint, sauntering in with a sparkling mask and forgetting to take it off at the table.
Deep chats: Maeva is screaming in French at her dog in the park when Mark Francis comes to speak to her about marriage and children (not with him)
She wants to know if Charlie is seeing any other girls. He says no. She doesn’t believe this. She wants to know how Verity’s chat with Tristan went. Verity says it was fine. She doesn’t believe this.
Charlie is livid – he didn’t even know Verity was meeting up with Tristan – and orders everyone to stop talking about it.
Denise is NOT impressed. ‘What do you two have in common?’ she asks them. Not much going by the teaser that follows for next week’s episode.
Made In Chelsea continues next Monday at 9PM on E4.
Uh oh: Denise has demanded she meet Charlie. If you recall, the day she met Tristan she forced him and Verity to say they were exclusive. So we’re in for a treat
Grilled: She wants to know if Charlie is seeing any other girls. He says no. She doesn’t believe this