ALEX MICHAEL recaps The Bachelor: Risky threesome ends in explosive climax

According to well-placed sources, the key to successful polyamorous relationships is open and honest communication, weekly STD tests and a very competent therapist. That is especially true when said relationship involves two dozen struggling actresses and a neck-tatted Lothario who dumped ‘the one’ to have a crack at twenty-three. Wednesday’s episode of The Bachelor taught … Read more

ALEX MICHAEL recaps The Bachelor: Bella gets lucky with Locky

‘So did you get lucky with Locky? Your face screams “yes!”‘ they asked. Sorry to say ladies, Bella and Locky didn’t just get lucky on Wednesday’s The Bachelor, they steered a sail boat sideways – that’s like fifth base or some s**t.  And yet all Bella could muster was ‘a lady never tells’. That’s funny, … Read more

ALEX MICHAEL recaps The Bachelor premiere

It’s the moment that the last 350,000 eighteen-year-olds without Netflix have been waiting for. The Bachelor premiere. The ‘main event’ of the reality TV schedule. Sure, it’s still absolute trash – they all are – but this is the one that draws out the ‘classier’ bogans. Case in point is the Bachelor himself, Locky Gilbert, the kind … Read more

ALEX MICHAEL recaps the Big Brother finale

We’re gathered here today to commemorate the short-lived media careers of twenty paid actors, whose names we will surely remember for the rest of our lives. They were thrown to the sharks during Big Brother’s live finale on Wednesday night, scrapping over a $230,000 cash prize without a script, or producer, in sight. Unsurprisingly, our … Read more

ALEX MICHAEL recaps Big Brother: One housemate gets coronavirus

Shout-out to Big Brother, for proving the only thing more messed up than reality is reality TV. On Sunday, the house was ravaged by a legitimate coronavirus scare that was quickly made illegitimate due to Seven’s ‘make it fake’ ethos. The game was fake locked down and put on ‘pause’ for the first time in … Read more

ALEX MICHAEL recaps Big Brother: Seven throws Angela under the bus

Another one bites the dust. On Tuesday, just days after being rescued and whisked into a revenge bunker, fan favourite Angela was kicked to the kerb.  You can call it tall poppy syndrome and blame the bogan brigade all you like – it was Channel Seven who killed Angela Clancy. Under the bus: On Tuesday, just days … Read more

ALEX MICHAEL recaps Big Brother: Chad gets told to Jog on, Zoe gets axed

This is what happens when you’re left with a bunch of drips on Big Brother. On Tuesday, the remaining freelance failures tussled with their own ineptitude, as they tried to wring even a drop of personality out of their lifeless husks. Elsewhere, Sophie found out that the best way to impress The Chad is to … Read more

ALEX MICHAEL recaps Big Brother: Twist in Angela’s revenge plan as fan favourite goes home

One night into Angela’s grand revenge plan and Big Brother has already botched it. The un-evicted fan favourite’s reign of terror amounted to nothing but a finger licking farce on Sunday – with a side of succulent subterranean mammal. ‘I hope you like the taste of Mole!’ said the Colonel, whose latest incarnation is an … Read more