Alexandra Burke revealed she had a panic attack after she was unable to visit her mother Melissa Bell’s grave during lockdown amid the coronavirus crisis.
Speaking to Vas J Morgan for the I AM ENOUGH chat on Saturday, the singer, 31, explained that she was left shaken when she realised cemeteries were closed as they have been deemed ‘non-essential.’
In her candid discussion about the experience, Alexandra said: ‘Two days ago I thought to myself I’m going to go and give my mum some flowers, so I drove down to the grave and it was closed.
Difficult time: Alexandra Burke revealed on Saturday that she had a ‘major panic attack’ after being unable to visit her mother’s grave during lockdown
‘Major anxiety, big old panic attack in the car because I thought “how can you stop me from seeing my own mum?” and many people go through that, I didn’t know that’s not that wasn’t essential.
‘I can understand that they’re cancelling people’s weddings etc but I didn’t realise that’s non-essential, and my auntie explained to me “girl these people can’t be around others too, you can’t expect them to be open.”
Discussing her struggle to come to terms with being unable to see her mother, she went on: ‘This is a way to stop people from getting out and being busy and i totally [understand that] but I didn’t get it at the time.
Candid: Alexandra also touched on her boyfriend Angus Macdonald’s battle with bowel cancer and admitted she had ‘to be his strength’ during the tough time
‘I had to have my auntie explain it to me and I thought “okay I get it”, and I felt awful, but I was so taken aback that we couldn’t do things we wanted to do anymore, and that’s doing lovely things like laying flowers for someone, and seeing your friends.
‘You take those things for granted and you can’t do that now, and that caused me major anxiety.’
Soul II Soul chart-topper Melissa Bell died on 28 August 2017 at the age of just 53 after a nine-year battle with kidney failure, which was brought on by diabetes.
When asked about her grief following her tragic passing in 2017, Alexandra said she threw herself into her work and endeavoured to do things ‘in her name’, including start the Melissa Bell Foundation to help underprivileged youths get into the Sylvia Young Theatre School.
Struggle: Discussing not being able to see her mother’s grave, she said she had a ‘big old panic attack in the car because I thought “how can you stop me from seeing my own mum?”‘
‘We have given four kids a summer scholarship there, and one has been given a lifetime scholarship until he’s 18… and that’s all through my mums foundation, so what keeps me going is trying to continue what she was doing.’
Alexandra also touched on her boyfriend Angus Macdonald’s battle with bowel cancer, which he was given the all clear for in December 2019, and admitted she had ‘to be his strength’ during the tough time.
‘For me the main thing that came to my mind was “I found someone I really really adore, and I might lose him.” and that for me was the hardest part,’ she explained.
‘I was determined not to lose him so I called my doctor, just did whatever it took to ask about vitamins and what he can take, and what can I do, and it became a mission of mine.
Honest: Of her own struggle, she said: ‘For me the main thing that came to my mind was “I found someone I really really adore, and I might lose him” and that for me was the hardest part’
‘When he got given the all clear and then released it publicly I was then grieving, so as soon as he got the all clear I was then in shambles because of everything I’d gone through, including my mum.
‘I was just going through one thing after the other and then I grieved, now when I look back at it i thought there’s a lot I mentally can’t remember, it was a massive blur.
‘One minute we were dating, and then everything is going well and we are on cloud nine and then all of a sudden we’re hit like that, got hit by the c word, I still can’t even bring myself to say it, and then I look back at it and go wow he is probably one of the strongest men I know, he’s so strong.’
Alexandra and Angus went public with their romance in July last year, after they were seen together at Wimbledon, after she split from her fiancé Josh Ginnelly earlier that year after three years together.
High praise: Gushing about Angus, who she went public with in July last year, she added: ‘I look back at it and go wow he is probably one of the strongest men I know, he’s so strong’