The worst shot I’ve ever played in golf came on an excruciatingly public stage.
It happened two years ago at the world-famous Carnoustie course in Scotland as I was competing in the prestigious televised Alfred Dunhill Links Championship where, uniquely, amateurs get to play with professionals in a tour event.
‘And now, on the first tee, journalist and broadcaster Piers Morgan,’ declared the announcer, prompting a splattering of applause from the 500-strong crowd.
It was 9am, it was cold, wet and windy, and I was suffering from both the ravages of four consecutive days of hard golf and a rather fierce hangover.
I took out my driver, strode forward with all the confidence of an ageing three-legged gazelle into a lion compound, and smashed my first shot of the day low and hard straight into a small stone bridge 40 yards in front of me.
The ball ricocheted off the bridge at a sharp left right angle and flew at high speed towards the newly renovated clubhouse, narrowly missing a window of the restaurant where many top golf stars were having breakfast.
It then rebounded back off the wall over the spectators, causing many to shriek and dive for cover, and ended up close to where I was still standing as I turned the air quietly blue with horrified profanity.
Trump’s mood on Thanksgiving Day won’t have been improved by the reaction to a photo of him sitting at a very small desk during his White House presser, which led to the Twitter hashtag #DiaperDon trending all night
On Thanksgiving day, footage emerged of President Trump playing a round of Thanksgiving Day golf and hitting a tee shot into a lake at the Trump National Golf Club in Sterling, Virginia. ‘Oh s**t’ he exclaimed after playing the shot, closely followed by the words: ‘I hate this f***ing hole.’ Others around him chuckled, but Trump remained stony-faced. He was absolutely furious
Trump spent the rest of the day spewing out his fury on Twitter and at a fiery press conference at the White House, the first he’s conducted since the Election. At a press conference when a reporter asked Trump if he would concede, he responded with venomous anger: ‘Don’t talk to me that way, you’re just a lightweight, don’t talk to me that way, I’m the President of the United States, don’t ever talk to the President that way.”
‘Mr Morgan,’ observed my wizened-faced old caddy, ‘I’ve been working at Carnoustie for 42 years, and I’ve never seen anyone do that!’
I was mortified – and should have walked off the course there and then and gone home.
It was very clear that I was mentally and physically done, and I had no chance of winning anything.
Instead, I battled on for five of the most embarrassing hours of my life, shanking, air-shotting, slicing and five-putting my way to ignominious sporting humiliation that rendered me a laughing-stock amongst the knowledgeable Scottish golf fans who amassed in ever larger numbers to have a giggle at my self-implosion.
The levels of my inner rage and indignation also rose in ever larger numbers, but I tried not to show it.
I thought of this when I watched footage of President Trump playing a round of Thanksgiving Day golf yesterday and hitting a tee shot into a lake at the Trump National Golf Club in Sterling, Virginia.
‘Oh s**t’ he exclaimed after playing the shot, closely followed by the words: ‘I hate this f***ing hole.’
Others around him chuckled, but Trump remained stony-faced.
He was absolutely furious.
And he spent the rest of the day, supposedly a time for Americans to come together and show each other kindness and generosity, spewing out his fury on Twitter and at a fiery press conference at the White House, the first he’s conducted since the Election.
After Trump repeatedly said the result was rigged, Reuters correspondent Jeff Mason asked him the following very simple question: ‘Sir, just to be clear if the Electoral College votes for Joe Biden, will you concede?
It was a perfectly reasonable thing to ask, and Mason asked it in a perfectly respectful manner.
‘Well, if they do,’ Trump replied, ‘they’ve made a mistake, because this election was a fraud… so no, I can’t say that at all.’
When Mason understandably then tried to ask his original question again, Trump responded with venomous anger: ‘Don’t talk to me that way, you’re just a lightweight, don’t talk to me that way, I’m the President of the United States, don’t ever talk to the President that way.’
Of course, this is the same President of the United States who spends his entire time abusing the media as ‘Fake News’ and hurling very personal insults at any journalists like Mason who dare to hold him to account.
Day by day, hour by hour, his presidency and power is being diminished. And the longer he goes on squealing about a ‘rigged and fraudulent’ election, and the more he throws his toys out of the stroller about the election being ‘stolen’ from him, the smaller and more ridiculous he becomes. Trump is pictured on the golf course in Virginia yesterday
The more Biden does this, the worse Trump behaves, probably, I suspect, because he can feel the vestiges of power being sucked out of him and he hates it as much as he hates hitting his golf ball into a lake. Yesterday was a nadir for the President. For him to spend Thanksgiving carrying on like a spiteful deluded lunatic was even by his standards a ridiculous and unedifying spectacle
Trump’s rage spilled over to social media where he took aim at anyone and everyone from Fox News and Twitter – both of whom have done so much to empower Trump – to Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and NFL stars who took the knee in solidarity.
‘No thanks!’ he sniped at photos of two quarterbacks, Texans’ Deshaun Watson and the Lions’ Matthew Stafford, kneeling on their respective sidelines during the national anthem just before kickoff at Ford Field in Detroit.
His mood won’t have been improved by the reaction to a photo of him sitting at a very small desk during his White House presser, which led to the Twitter hashtag #DiaperDon trending all night.
But in a way, the desk’s dimensions were the perfect illustration of what’s happening to Donald Trump.
Day by day, hour by hour, his presidency and power is being diminished.
And the longer he goes on squealing about a ‘rigged and fraudulent’ election, and the more he throws his toys out of the stroller about the election being ‘stolen’ from him, the smaller and more ridiculous he becomes.
The truth is that Trump lost the election fairly and squarely.
There’s been zero evidence of any mass fraud of the kind he keeps claiming, and indeed, independent officials have declared this the safest and best-run election of modern times.
So, Trump’s refusal to accept defeat is just the rumblings and grumblings of a shockingly bad loser, and it is beginning to present a very real danger to American democracy which depends entirely on election results being honored.
As someone who likes him personally and sees many qualities in him that his enemies refuse to admit exist, it’s increasingly sad and pathetic to watch.
I beseeched him a few days after the election to concede when it was obvious Trump had lost.
If he’d done so graciously, albeit through gritted teeth, I think he’d have made a lot of people feel better towards him.
But instead, he’s behaved like a spoiled toddler who’s had his rattle taken away and intends shrieking and shouting until he gets it back.
Smart parents know the best way to treat such a little brat is to ignore them, and that’s increasingly what Joe Biden is doing as he calmly gets on with the process of appointing his own administration and preparing for government.
The more Biden does this, the worse Trump behaves, probably, I suspect, because he can feel the vestiges of power being sucked out of him and he hates it as much as he hates hitting his golf ball into a lake.
Yesterday was a nadir for the President.
The cold hard reality is that come January 20, whether Trump wants to concede or not, and regardless of whether he turns up at the Inauguration, he will no longer be leader of the world and Joe Biden will become President of the United States
For him to spend Thanksgiving carrying on like a spiteful deluded lunatic was even by his standards a ridiculous and unedifying spectacle.
He’s now turned into me at Carnoustie two years ago – flailing and swinging away in a desperate attempt to change the narrative, only the more he lashes out, the worst it gets, and the louder people laugh at him.
The cold hard reality is that come January 20, whether Trump wants to concede or not, and regardless of whether he turns up at the Inauguration, he will no longer be leader of the world and Joe Biden will become President of the United States.
If Trump’s still inside the White House at that point, then Secret Service agents will be forced to carry him out kicking and screaming like a big baby and he really will be Diaper Don.
I hope that doesn’t happen, though there will be many praying it does so they can gleefully stamp on the presidential grave of the man they love to hate.
For the love of God, Mr President, grow up and concede.