There are very few beverage choices in soapland in times of stress. What did Corrie’s Leanne say to Simon, after Nick accused him of upsetting Sam? ‘Si, I’ve made a brew.’ That’s pretty much all she does now, but have you ever seen her fill a kettle?
Emmerdale has taken to brew-making with the same passion as Corrie, with Moira following keenly in Leanne’s footsteps.
‘Brew?’ she asked Cain on Tuesday. Come on, if you had Cain alone in a room, the last thing on your mind would be Yorkshire Tea.
Contrast this with Faith, who carries a hip flask in her handbag to top up her hot drinks in the café; and also Laurel, whose favourite drink of stress is vodka.
Like Laurel, Corrie’s Peter hits the hard stuff when he’s going through the mill, but in EastEnders it’s always wine – by the gallon. How much faster can Sharon down a glass? There’s a vineyard in Bordeaux worried they can’t tread the grapes fast enough to keep up with her guzzling.
How about a crossover show in which Sharon and Corrie’s Carla go on a wine-tasting tour? Grapes everywhere would be quaking in their skins.
EASTENDERS: BATTLE OF THE BRUNETTES
Martin agrees to report Stacey after Ruby (pictured centre) asks him to do anything to help them get over the loss of their baby in EastEnders
Do you ever wonder if Martin wakes up and says, ‘What I wouldn’t give to go down the pub with my mates, have a game of darts and get drunk’? But no.
The poor guy never gets a chance to dwell on anything other than his vast brood and the war between Ruby and Stacey (well, that and the price of carrots).
Now, the warring duo are at it again, after Ruby asks Martin to do anything to help them get over the loss of the baby.
He agrees and reports Stacey (not for crimes against fashion; for allegedly pushing Ruby). She is convinced that CCTV footage will prove her innocence but Ruby (pictured, centre, with Stacey and Martin) is smug in the knowledge that the cameras were down – not knowing that Martin had them fixed.
Good grief! When did he get the time to call a security firm? The man has to schedule breathing time into his packed life.
Is anyone managing to follow the Lucas/Chelsea/Denise/Jack debacle? I’ve lost track of who is on whose side; it’s like playing Cluedo – without the clues. Now, Chelsea’s up to her old tricks, and Lucas doesn’t realise he’s been played yet again. For a serial killer, he can be pretty darned thick.
CORONATION STREET: THE PLOT DOESN’T THICKEN
Harvey confronts Simon (pictured), after Jacob tells him that he’s ripping off Harvey in Coronation Street
Storylines are inevitably restricted during Covid, with younger actors having to take on more than the vulnerable older ones. But couldn’t they have come up with anything better than the drugs palaver?
When Jacob tells Simon that he’s ripping off Harvey, the ‘Big Boss’, Simon is terrified when BB confronts him and tells him he knows all about it. We’re not talking Don Corleone here. Harvey is about as scary as a Christmas elf, although not half as well dressed.
Add to this another drugs storyline, when Nina tells Asha she wants to revert to being mates. Asha decides to get wasted with Kelly and Summer, but Kelly is found unresponsive after taking a pill she bought from Simon.
What is it with these young people? It’s not that long ago that a kebab from Dev’s was all the excitement they could take; now they’re like extras in a Quentin Tarantino movie.
Thank goodness for some canine entertainment, when Elaine and Yasmeen bond over the former’s dog, Tinkerbell. Don’t get too soppy though, because it’s shortly followed by the news that Alina’s family dog has died in Romania.
This isn’t just scraping the bottom of the barrel for plots, it’s scraping under it, too, but it gives Alina and Tyrone another chance to bond, this time over doggie stories.
Still, it beats their yoga nonsense, though if I were Fiz I’d be wary of any woman who’d shared with my boyfriend the intricacies of the Downward Facing Dog position.
EMMERDALE: WOLF IN SHEEP’S CLOTHING
Gabby (pictured) is emotional when Jamie pretends to like her in order to dissuade her from keeping the baby in Emmerdale
Jamie’s always seemed like someone who wouldn’t say boo to a goose – even a dead one, with all the trimmings. He’s turned into a monster though, not least in pretending to like Gabby in order to dissuade her from keeping the baby.
It’s too much for the emotional youngster, who has real feelings for him. Quite how he manages to get so many women fighting over his dullness is anybody’s guess; there’s more life in a taxidermist’s reindeer mount.
Talking of dead things, what does the foreman discover at the exhumation? Please not Harriet half-dressed in the vestry – again.